Filipino Greeting Etiquette

Even though I've lived in this country for 20 years and have adopted a lot of American mannerisms, habits and values, the very core of me is pure Filipino. And while I love my adopted country, the Philippines will always be my home. With that said, I have to remember that Filipinos greet each other differently and what some Americans may consider downright offensive is a big compliment to a Filipino. Case in point -

Filipinos will often say to another whom they haven't seen in a long time...

"O tumataba ka yata!"
Literal translation: You are getting fat.

What a Filipino really means: You must be doing well in life that you can afford good, rich food - prime cuts of meat, hearty soups (not watery broths), desserts and lots and lots of candy.

Possible American interpretation: Daaayummm...hello Ms. McButterpants! Look at that bodonkadonk you got going! (At which point, Sir Mix-a-Lot's I Like Big Butts starts playing.)

I get this greeting a lot when I go home. The Americanized side of me wants to respond by saying, "Well you don't look so hot yourself Fat Boy!" followed by two swift kicks to their shin. However, I know better now and respond appropriately. Like so -

"Really? No stop! Are you sure? Aww jeez, thanks! You're looking pretty fat yourself!"

And this back and forth goes on, all the while feigning bashfulness...

"I'm not fat, you are!"
"What? Who are you kidding? Look at you! You're the one who's fat!"
"No you're fatter than me! You're the one raking in the big dollars!"
"Have you seen the news lately? The U.S. is in a recession! How can I be fat? I can't afford to buy food anymore!"
"You're fatter!"
"No you are!"
"No you!"
"You!"

At one point, I added, "...infinity plus one" after the you're fatter mantra, but they didn't get it.

Oh and this reminds me of when my parents saw my SO for the second time.

My mum tells him in her thick accent, "Hello Chris! It's good to meet you again. You're fat!" (fat pronounced FAHT)
My father adds, "Yes, you have gotten very fat!"
At which point Chris turns to me and mouths the words - W.T.F.???
I told him to just say thank you.
Which he did.
"Uh, thanks?" he says tentatively.

In about 9 days, I will switch to Filipino mode. I will eat only Filipino food. I will speak only in Tagalog. My thoughts will be in Tagalog. I will shop for shoes like a true Filipina.

And in 9 days I have to remember that this fond Filipino saying is a true compliment and one that should be accepted graciously and with aplomb.

Mabuhay! Philippines here I come!